Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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