It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
