She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
only if we run a train.
done.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
