He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sober January is a disaster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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