Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
