can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
