I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
