i permit you to call me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
