I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
