The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
