i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Two words: blizzard sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
