Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
