My first STD was from a foam party
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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