I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
