I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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