We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
