There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
