there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
