if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
