Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this just has baby written all over it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize