If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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