From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
