Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
