i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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