Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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