So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
