Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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