my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
