Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
