I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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