HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
