some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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