farters have to be the big spoon...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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