The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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