my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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