I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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