I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
