We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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