I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
