your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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