I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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