My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
