she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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