Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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