well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize