Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
