On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
