If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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