The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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