Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
