please come you make the beer taste better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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