So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
