as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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