do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
