Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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