I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
