dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i barfeds in our rink
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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