the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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