Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
