I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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