i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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