We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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