Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize