yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
