This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
