Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
