the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
