my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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