my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
