I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
