So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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