Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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