Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
