Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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